Leading Through Misaligned

Group Expectations

If you’ve led a Group for more than five minutes, chances are you’ve heard some version of this:

“I just don’t feel like people like me here…”
“I thought I’d get more out of this Group…”
“This Group doesn’t really do much for me.”

These kinds of comments can catch you off guard, especially when you’re working hard to foster connection, build community, and lead people closer to Jesus. But as a leader, it’s important not to take these moments personally. Instead, we must use them as opportunities to reflect and to lovingly lead people toward the true purpose of the Group.

Let’s unpack how to handle these moments with grace, clarity, and leadership strength.

1. Don’t Dismiss the Comment, But Don’t Camp Out in It Either

When someone says they don’t feel liked or noticed, it usually stems from a real place of pain, insecurity, or unmet expectations. As leaders, our first response should be empathy.

“I’m so glad you felt safe enough to share that. Can I ask more about what you’re feeling?”

But while we validate the emotion, we also need to guide the conversation toward truth. These comments are rarely just about connection, they’re often rooted in misunderstanding the purpose of the Group entirely.

2. Redirect Toward the Purpose

Your Group isn’t designed to be a personal fan club, therapy session, or social circle built around one person’s needs. It’s not about self-promotion or emotional fulfillment, it’s about growing together in Christ so that we can go and lead others to Him.

“I totally understand wanting to feel seen and valued, that’s important. But this Group’s purpose isn’t just about what we get from it. It’s about what God wants to do through us. We grow here so we can go help others.”

Remind them of the bigger mission:

• To connect with others around shared purpose
  
• To deepen faith and develop healthy leadership
  
• To lead others into deeper relationships with Jesus
  

“Let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.” (1 John 3:18)

3. Set Expectations Early and Often

Some of these moments can be avoided altogether by setting the tone early in your Group:

“This Group isn’t about being perfect. It’s not about being popular. It’s about being present. We’re here to learn, grow, and then go make a difference.”

The more often you reinforce this, the less likely people are to confuse the Group with something it was never intended to be.

4. Resist the Pull to “Fix” or People Please

It’s natural to want to make everyone feel good. But if we start changing the direction of our Group to satisfy one person’s preferences, we risk losing the purpose altogether.

Instead of adjusting your leadership to please one voice, lead with consistency and mission-alignment.

“Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? … If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.” (Galatians 1:10)

We’re not just here to hangout with other Christians, we are here to get healthy and on mission to live a life that honors and glorifies God in all things.

5. Gently Challenge the Mindset of “What Am I Getting?”

Consumer mindsets don’t thrive in healthy Groups. The goal is transformation, not consumption. If someone continues to ask, “What am I getting out of this?” it may be time to lovingly challenge that perspective.

“What would it look like for you to ask, ‘Who can I encourage this week?’ instead of ‘What am I getting?’”

That shift is everything. That’s the beginning of servant leadership.

“Whoever wants to be first must be your servant.” (Mark 10:44)

6. Point Them Toward Jesus, Not Just the Group

Ultimately, no Group, even the healthiest one, can meet someone’s deepest need for belonging, purpose, or healing. Only Jesus can.

If someone is consistently frustrated, withdrawn, or disappointed, it may be a sign that they are looking for the Group to do what only God can.

“I know you’re looking for connection, but real belonging comes when we root our identity in Christ. Everything else flows from that.”

7. Keep the Mission Clear: We Exist for Those Not Yet Here

This is the heartbeat of our church, and it has to be the heartbeat of our leadership.

Groups are not “holy huddles” or individual support groups. They’re not just for insiders or emotionally dependent believers. They are places of growth and preparation for being on mission.

“The Son of Man came to seek and save the lost.” (Luke 19:10)

And we follow His lead. Meaning our Groups are where we get equipped so we can turn around and help others find the hope we’ve found. It’s not about consuming. It’s about contributing.

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In Summary: Lead with Grace, But Lead with Clarity

When someone in your Group says, “People don’t like me,” remember:

• Don’t dismiss it, but don’t dwell in it.
  
• Reframe the conversation toward purpose.
  
• Keep your mission central, and your leadership consistent.

You are not responsible for making everyone feel fulfilled, you’re responsible for creating a space where people can grow into who God’s calling them to be. Sometimes that growth requires a little tension and redirection.

Lead with love. Lead with truth. Lead with purpose.

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Reflection Questions for Leaders:

• Have I clearly communicated the purpose of this Group?
  
• How do I respond when someone expresses unmet expectations?
  
• Am I modeling what it looks like to serve rather than consume?
  
• Who in my Group needs a reminder of the bigger picture this week?